i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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