That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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