so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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