Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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