I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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