Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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