Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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