It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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