bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize