She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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