So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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