Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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