Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.

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(781): he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me. http://tfl.nu/iw9a

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."

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(403): We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I." http://tfl.nu/5568

Replies (25) Good night (4157) Bad night (794)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

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(803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

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(902): I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night. http://tfl.nu/vppz

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(248): View more from Michigan

Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.

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(248): Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here. http://tfl.nu/bwbb

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(601): View more from Mississippi

There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.

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(601): There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore. http://tfl.nu/nmw7

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(250): View more from British Columbia

you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.

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(250): you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in. http://tfl.nu/ux6h

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(616): View more from Michigan

the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.

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(616): the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles. http://tfl.nu/0i26

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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(267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x

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(406): View more from Montana

There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!

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(406): There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go! http://tfl.nu/765a

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(254): View more from Texas

He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.

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(254): He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy. http://tfl.nu/6702

Replies (12) Good night (560) Bad night (1987) Order T-Shirt
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon

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(202): When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle. (202): We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon http://tfl.nu/62rc

Replies (6) Good night (1329) Bad night (371)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.

(573): View more from Missouri

Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.

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(573): I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days. (573): Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven. http://tfl.nu/oqxt

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(815): View more from Illinois

I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

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(815): I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head http://tfl.nu/qmtv

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(602): View more from Arizona

Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated

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(602): Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated http://tfl.nu/w4re

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