You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to summon your inner elephant
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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