can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize