How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I didn't notice because vodka
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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