At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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