How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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