He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize