apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
worst night to have a conscience
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize