They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
soo... how was my night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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