The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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