He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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