Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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