he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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