ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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