last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
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I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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