yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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