The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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