I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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