I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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