you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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