I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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