This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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