I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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