Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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