So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
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They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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