Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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