I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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