If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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