I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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