I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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