so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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