So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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