just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize