remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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