I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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