She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize