Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and she was petting her beer can
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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