News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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